offering yourself solace
I’m living alone in Bali. I was in the dentist’s chair recently getting my wisdom tooth extracted. The needles used to numb me were so painful when inserted, I nearly burst into tears. It was excruciating, inescapable pain. I remember, in a split of a second, wishing there was someone present to hold my hand. My mom, a best friend, anyone familiar to feel comforted.
There wasn’t anyone there of the sort, so I held my own hand.
And life is just like that: a learning to hold your own hand.
A remembering of the solace you can offer yourself in distressing times.
In one of Jordan Peterson’s talks, he explains that speaking is dangerous. Essentially, there is no guarantee that even the kindest delivery of your thoughts will be well-received, understood, or heard. But to speak your truth, no matter the cost, is worth the risk.
And to that, I think existence itself is risky. There is no certainty in anything at all. We each walk on fragile grounds.
So how does one cope with this existential crisis?
We learn to offer ourselves solace.
I want to use these hands to touch the fire of life even if it burns me. I want to cleanse myself of the very things that ache me deeply and so equally accept that they are there, ever-present in my being, ready to leave at their own timing. I want to project myself into the dream of my life, every time I feel hopeless — to believe in the dream of my life, even when despair shows itself. I want to move inward and then forward. To see what is within, to not look away, and to sensibly act on what is needed to further my spirit. I want to involve myself so deeply into my existence that this one and only life ends up being the only one I need to touch the core of what it is to have lived and loved. I want my fierce and relentless pursuit of joy to be the balm for my sadness.
I want my own hand to be what offers me solace.
In another one of Jordan Peterson’s talks, he touches on the importance of self-respect.
He explains, “You have some vital role to play in the unfolding destiny of the world. You are, therefore, morally obliged to take care of yourself. You should take care of, help, and be good to yourself the same way you would take care of, help, and be good to someone you loved and valued. You may therefore have to conduct yourself habitually in a manner that allows you some respect for your own being.
And regardless of your inadequacies and malevolence, you have a moral obligation, responsibility, to assume that despite all evidence, that there is actually something of intrinsic worth about you and that as consequence, you are duty-bound to treat yourself like that is true”.
