this is feeling
Provo, Utah. Summer 2016
Bloom
Once the timing is right,
and the silence of the night begins its symphony -
the moonlight will shine upon the sill of your window
just how you like it
your eyes will grow heavy
your heart will shed its layers of past affliction
your soul will rest
as you enter a dream that bears no harm
a seed of eternal love places gently
within the parts of you
that need it the most
the earth will cry
for all the times you thought
you couldn’t
but could
between dawn and sunrise,
you will awaken
to the sensation of
a new beginning
I hope within these moments
you bloom
There is a moment between sleep and wake that breathes forgiveness. It is a moment of empty bliss, one that glistens with hope to begin again, to try again, to become again. It does not remember the reasons you ache. It does not recall the faults that have made you shrink in size. It does not plead with you to reminisce on what has hardened a heart once so soft and delicate. It does not remind you of what you have felt from that hurt nor does it encourage you to continue feeling what is so sinking, so heavy, so drowning.
Every time you slip into the elusive gateway between a multi-dimensional dream state and the reality you have created for yourself, you have a clean slate to start again, one that is at your disposal. This is waiting for you, it’s always been waiting for you. And as you enter a world of your own with each rising of the sun, it will always be there waiting…for…you.
Bloom was a piece I had written when I began to understand the altitude of renewal that each day carried so discretely. I began to maintain a genuine appreciation for its potential which was full of restorative promise for a better day. I began to nurture those moments with the intent to let go of the parts of me that I did not wish to hold onto any longer. Those parts begged for my acknowledgment; they would try to bury me in a mount of disapproval. It was there that I decided to shed my jaded layers, the same place I chose to not visit anymore. I did not have to subject myself to anything that I didn’t wish to feel unless I chose to carry those same feelings into a new day. Wearing those same tainted pieces of myself felt like wearing the same dirty laundry; I knew that if I wanted to change, the answer would simply be to change. This is no different than putting on a new ensemble that fills the air with the essence of sensual vanilla and cherry blossom.
So, when life at night has settled to moments of peace and your thoughts can echo with clarity, voice any aspect of this life that you are grateful for: the little things, the big things, the in-between things, too. An easy place to start that does not take much effort to find is a place of appreciation for the gift of being. You have a purpose here if you are here. Isn’t that a lovely notion in itself? With a heart that beats and hands to hold, you are so special for being able to share this space of great expanse.
Whatever your reasons for gratitude may be - rejoice in them. Recount them graciously, and let yourself merge with those moments until you cannot make a distinction between the moment and you. Fall into a vibration that trembles with gratitude. Stay there, make a home there, and find one that allows room for a garden. Plant the seeds that are made of your ambitions, and speak to them of a mantra that generates love from a very pure place that is within. Go so far inward in the understanding and forgiveness of your sadnesses that there is no other way but out.
In time, you will realize that the same vibration you fell asleep to is the same vibration you will awaken to. There is no escaping the laws of the universe. And as the rising sun peaks through your window’s blinds mid-sunrise, tell it that you are who you chose to be today, you will feel how you wish to feel today, and you will begin again today if you chose.
- This is how you bloom